Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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