Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
