I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
