btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
