shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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