so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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