And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
