I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
