Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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