Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
