I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
