12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
