eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
