You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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