It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
