I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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