That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
