How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
