It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
