Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
