oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
