I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
