There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
