Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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