Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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