I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
