Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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