it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
cat food counts as protein by the way
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
