I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
