his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
