so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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