Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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