For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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