She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
