Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
