Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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