if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
