Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
