The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
