My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
