i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
