You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
