if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
