Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
