I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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