Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
