I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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