Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
