I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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