dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
