Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
