dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
