The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
