You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
