He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
