i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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